Confessions of a Former Sanctimommy

Confessions of a Former Sanctimommy

We locked eyes from across the crowded terrace where I was breastfeeding my little one, she was herding her children to their little red wagon where a sack lunch was waiting. I offered up a smile as she looked me up and down, trying to read what was going through her mind. She hesitantly smiled back, it was warm and genuine, before turning back to attend her children.

We were worlds apart, this woman and I, but for that brief moment we had connected as mothers. There was no shaming, no judging, no sanctimommy comments - just a smile and a nod as if to acknowledge the struggles we both share.

As women, we are our own biggest enemies – constantly engaged in the nonsensical battles of the “Mommy Wars”. We try to out do our female acquaintances through feats of Pinterest greatness, silently judge the soccer mom who brings brownies and Capri Sun to practice, and sometimes resort to public shaming with our “holier than thou” comments.

Let's be honest, we all have done it at least once. I am ashamed to admit that not too long ago I too had fallen victim to the Mommy Wars. I was sucked into the battles of formula vs breast and pro vax vs anti vax, I was so passionate about the choices that were right for my children I just couldn't understand why others didn't think they'd be right for their family as well.

How couldn't she see she was poisoning her child with that artificial junk filled cookie? Wasn't it obvious that cloth diapers are going to save the environment and if you don't use them you must hate planet Earth? Then one day it happened to me, I was called out for my less crunchy lifestyle.

I have never breastfed even one of my children past nine months, heck one of them was switched to formula at six months! Amongst mothers of a local Facebook group I was deemed inferior as a mother and my opinion on breastfeeding issues no longer mattered because I wasn't good enough to offer advice. I didn't pass the test or make the cut, no more super secret cool moms club for me.

I was so angry and embarrassed but that's when it hit me, why do I care, who are they to tell me how I need to raise my children? I made the decisions that were right for my family with the information I had at the time. Stop and think about that. All of this time I had been wrong – there is no right or wrong way all that matters is that you do your best as a mother to make things work for your family.

At the Columbus Zoo I briefly met another mother with a large brood. I don't know if she breastfed her children, used cloth diapers, or taught them to read by age five, but I smiled at her fondly because I know that she is doing the best for her family, as I am mine. I smiled at her because sometimes in our roles as mothers it feels like the whole world is against us, and sometimes it's just nice to receive a little bit of recognition and support from a fellow mom.